Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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