clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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