I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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