ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to make out with him forever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
