I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
