My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
