i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
