Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
