Tell her she can't have a vagina
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
