Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
