K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
