And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
