:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
