i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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