Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
