i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
