super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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