Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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