there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
