yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Come share oat with me in your robe
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
