I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
