Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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