Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
