At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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