had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am naked and annoyed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
