oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
