In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
