the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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