So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
