Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
