I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Found the puke drawer
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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