he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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