He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
