Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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