My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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