ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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