If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
