Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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