Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
