she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
