I want to stick my p in your. b.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
