PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
