For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
