I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
