Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
