I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
