I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
