I hate all girls vehemently.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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