well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
