Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
