The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
