I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
