Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
